The gay male world today is characterized by seductive beauty, artful creativity, flamboyant sexuality, and, encouragingly, unprecedented acceptability in society. Yet despite the progress of the recent past, gay men still find themselves asking, "Are we really better off?" The inevitable byproduct of growing up gay in a straight world continues to be the internalization of shame, a shame gay men may strive to obscure with a fa?ade of beauty, creativity, or material success. Drawing on contemporary psychological research, the author's own journey to be free of anger and of shame, as well as the stories of many of his friends and clients, The Velvet Rage outlines the three distinct stages to emotional well-being for gay men. Offering profoundly beneficial strategies to stop the insidious cycle of avoidance and self-defeating behavior, The Velvet Rage is an empowering book that will influence the public discourse on gay culture, and positively change the lives of gay men who read it.
DA CAPO PRESS
Da Capo Press
Da Capo Press
Da Capo Press
Da Capo Press
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
If you grew up as a gay man and struggle with self-esteem or self-identity, give this a read. Its an easy book to finish in a day or two. While, this is not my story, there were many things that I related to in this book. It reminded me that I am not alone, we all go through these same type of feelings and there it is possible, even probably, that you will come out on the other side as a strong, successful and grounded gay man.
Good for friends and family of gay men too. Growing up and living life as a gay man is not as easy as we make it look. Its more than just party's, beautiful men and constant sex!
This book has a number of flaws, but it's a fantastic read for most gay males. The book is a rather depressing and honest look at how many gays can lead an unexamined life of self-filling misery, validation, shame avoidance, and entitlement that begins with shame from their childhood. Yet, despite that gay males participate in this spiral of shame avoidance, they rile against it and claim to be above it.
I doubted the main thesis of the book, but the author quickly proves much of it. As a 30 year old gay male with some life experiences under his belt, I saw parts of it in myself. And, I see much of the book's lessons in my friends or my previous relationship. This is especially a great book for someone who has been unceremoniously dumped from what they thought was a good, functioning, growing relationship. Or, it's a great book for someone who was cheated on while in a good relationship. You shouldn't necessarily take the blame and this book tells you why...
If you have a Gay family member you need to read this book. My nephew suggested I read it to help me understand how he feels as a Gay man. I have always been supportive of who he is before & after he came out. I only wish I could have been there for him when he was a teenager struggling with his feelings but I did not know he was Gay. The book is well written & will be especially helpful to those parents & others who refuse to accept their gay family & friends. For those of us who don't judge the book helps us to know our loved ones on a deeper level.
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