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Books > Humor & Entertainment > Humor > Essays > 0615461875
  1. The Warlizard Chronicles: Adventures with Vodka, Women, & War
    The Warlizard Chronicles: Adventures with Vodka, Women, & War
    The Warlizard Chronicles: Adventures with Vodka, Women, & War
    The Warlizard Chronicles: Adventures with Vodka, Women, & War
    Image(s) provided for illustrative purposes and may differ from the actual product
  2. The Warlizard Chronicles: Adventures with Vodka, Women, & War

    Delivery: 10-20 Working Days
    Customer Ratings (124 reviews)
    Sold Out / Out of Stock

Additional Information

My new fiancée Betty and I were sitting on the couch, watching the Westminster Kennel Club dog show when she looked over at me and casually said, "My first orgasm came from a dog."

As I sat there stunned, trying to control my reactions and collect myself, I had two immediate thoughts:

1. Now I know why my dog likes her better.
2. I wish this were the worst thing she'd ever told me.

And so begins the descent into the crazy improbable world of Warlizard, an average guy with an exceptional life. With no excuses and no apologies, Warlizard lives his life by one simple rule - "If opportunity knocks, answer the door." Gulf War Veteran, womanizer and serial troublemaker, sometimes he wins, sometimes he loses, but his stories are outlandish, extreme, fast-paced and funny as hell. 

Some actual reader feedback:
  • "You tell all women that story? You should wash out your mouth!"
  • "I think I could listen to your stories for hours."
  • "So you owe your marriage to the people who brought down the world trade center?"
  • "I have nothing else I can add or ask, except MORE STORIES."
  • "Holy s**t. I wish I was you."
  • "Man, you're an inspiration, seriously. F*** Tucker Max, you're the real s**t. I'm sure to remember your stories whenever there's a choice to do some crazy s**t. I used to say I'd do it for the lulz, now I'm gonna do it like WarLizard."
  • "You slept with another man's wife and then lied to him about it, and can say with a straight face it was the right thing to do?"
  • "Godda***t, I spewed out laughter too loud at work, now I have to leave because everyone knows I'm not doing s**t. F*** this is hilarious, and disconcerting, at the same time."
  • "He is the most interesting man in the world."
  • "I feel like a failure reading these stories, they're awesome."
  • "Your life experience makes me feel good. You good sir are somewhat of a new idol of mine. Nothing much you can do about that.  Have a good day sir."
  • "Warlizard doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, he prefers Dos Equis."
  • "I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that not only a story like this exists but that a Reddit regular would be living it. And it kinda has this enthusiastic 'and then it happened...' moments in it that kinda style like you'd write fiction on the go."
  • "This guy is either the most creative man in the world or the most interesting man in the world. Either way..."


Brand: Warlizard Ink, LLC
Used Book in Good Condition
Warlizard Ink, LLC
Warlizard Ink, LLC
black & white illustrations
black & white illustrations
Warlizard Ink, LLC
Warlizard Ink, LLC
Most Helpful Customer Reviews

Warlizard always seems to have interesting stories on Reddit, and so the idea of a book full of the stories he wrote sounded like an interesting idea.

The first story he told actually seems to be an example of what was to come. See, it starts off with a bang. Its crazy, its interesting, its funny. As the story progresses, however, it seems to lose focus, lose aim. Yeah, he's letting us know what happened, but it just sort of peters out. The rest of the book is the same. Some good hooks, or interesting premises, but ultimately, like I mentioned, mostly just stories of all the women Warlizard banged.

However, I must admit that there are a few really golden gems contained within, and that's why I gave the book three stars instead of one or two.
Specifically, there is a story about visiting East Germany after the Berlin Wall came down that is actually incredibly touching.
The story about rigging a kissing contest is pretty funny.
The "Bad... Read more
(Kindle Edition)
"No. Every single f- king day I wake up like a god-am bull, ready to charge out and destroy everything in my path. Maybe I'll start a new business, maybe I'll buy a house, maybe I'll get in my car and drive to Texas, I don't f- king know, but I'm going to do something that makes me happy."
Warlizard lives his life by a simple philosophy. If the choice is to do it or to not do it, whatever in the world "it" may be, then he just f- king does it and sticks around only long to find out what happens next. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it all goes horribly wrong, but the fallout is always interesting. Buy the ticket, take the ride.
Through a series of flashback anecdotes, presented fittingly at random, The Warlizard Chronicles recount a lifetime of misadventure and wild experience based on this one cardinal rule. There are romantic and sexual trysts with women from all across the globe; close brushes with the law, with drugs and with other men's fists; an... Read more
For the cost of buying Warlizard a virtual beer, you get to spend an evening being regaled with pub stories of his adventures. He is a clear master of the craft, keeping you engaged with a quick pace and a sharp humour. His fantastic tales seem to reiterate, whether intentionally or not, that everyone is capable of living a life of personal achievement, it just takes a good attitude and tenacity in spades.
I bought this in awareness of the disparity in reviews, and frankly, the negative reviews are entirely accurate. These stories are testosterone-filled, revolve almost entirely around women and drugs/alcohol, and jump around at the authors whim. As such, this book is definitely not suited to all. If you identify with a touch of ADD, are looking for an injection of aggressive masculinity and think your life is boring, then the Chronicles are probably a good fit. If you don't tick those boxes, wait to see if he writes a more serious piece about his experiences while serving. While... Read more
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